When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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