Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
