you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We left the knife in your bed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
