I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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