That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
