Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
