It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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