I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
