Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
