I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
