just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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