I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
