oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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