When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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