I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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