I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
