I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
