So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
