i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
