New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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