Don't you send me to vm
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
