I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
