Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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