DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just had sex on a roof
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
