You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
