8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
