Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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