Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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