I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
