if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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