I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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