Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
