This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
420 ftw
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
