At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
