AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
