I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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