I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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