What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
