So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
