Duck Duck Cougar?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
