Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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