i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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