She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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