Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
