life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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