my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
