I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
