I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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