There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
