Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
