Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
